You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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