I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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