He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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