That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
