You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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