k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
