Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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