I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your tits are I can't wait for
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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