I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
