She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm passing your future prison.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
