We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
