Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
