i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
