We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
