We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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