dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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