Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
