i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
