And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
