my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
