I can text with my tongue
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
