Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just threw up on my dentist
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
