She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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