i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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