she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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