Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
