Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
