guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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