my mouth tastes like poor choices
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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