I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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