If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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