ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize