Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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