I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
