Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
