My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
