I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
