Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
