4 words: hood of his car
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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