shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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