I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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