but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
