Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
