I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
