I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
