Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
