The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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