The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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