when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
