dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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