It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize