some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
