you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
