i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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