this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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