I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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