She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
