Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Terrible idea I love it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
