If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
