Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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