I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
