he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
