the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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