i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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