I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
