i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you win again, gameday.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
