he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Mom said you looked used
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
