loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
