I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
