saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
