They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i came on her dog
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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