You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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