My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
