I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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