I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
