Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
