shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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