jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
