Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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